Ennui, angst, and perspective

I feel like I’m losing my perspective on life. What am I supposed to be doing for the rest of my life? I do go into the contemplative mode once in a while, but this is slightly unusual even for me. I never wanted to work in a corporate set up but here I am. I thought I would be working with books but I’m not. I should be writing, but I’m not. So what in this wide world am I supposed to be doing? What I lack is perspective. I need to get back in track somehow. But I don’t know how. And what’s the best thing about this ennui-filled phase? I am very happy almost satiated in my personal life. My professional life is also okayish. Nothing to either rave about or complain about either. Every time, I feel like complaining, I look around and a nirvanaish sense of how I’m lucky to be what I am, with who I am, and what I have pervades me making me almost guilty to want more. Is it ok to want more than what I have? Sometimes I feel like I have everything. Other times, I feel like I have nothing… My biggest fear is that life will pass me by before I discover what is it that I have to do in my life. I envy people who have discovered their calling in life: whatever it is. Knowing that I can still experiment is my only solace.

4 thoughts on “Ennui, angst, and perspective

  1. Nice write-up!
    I think life is all about going-with-the-tide rather than roving-against-the-tide. Guess, it is a lot easier to go through the motions.

    ‘Destiny’ is not fixed and it keeps changing every-now-and-then!

  2. Hey Sanchapanzo, Thanks for the thumbs up! I really want to believe in destiny….thanks for all those comments as well!

  3. You need to find yourself a mission and then work heart-and-soul to achieve it. I liked this dialog in Viruddh – “Man is not great. Its the challenge that is great.”

    Drifting along with the tide is not living.

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