This is a question that has been plaguing me a lot: do we lead fake lives? How true are we to ourselves? Do we lie a lot? Or do we use a comfortably couched answer that is diplomatic? In giving a diplomatic answer are we moving away from ourselves? Living life, in a way where we are true to not just the others but to ourselves as well is becoming increasingly rare. I try to be as true as I can be to myself but then there are times when I am forced to be the “opposite.” For example, if someone asks you if you like XYZ (it could be anything – a book, a movie, a pair of shoes, or any idea), do you have the courage to say it as it is? To call a spade a spade to borrow a very well-worn cliché? These questions plague me from time to time.
In many ways I am what I am, no one can change that but in many other ways I don’t call a spade a spade. I tell “white lies.” Sometimes, not to hurt people and sometimes not to hurt myself. Does that still redeem me? Everytime we white lie, and to extend that, everytime I make a choice that seems like a white lie, am I leading a fake life? Am I not being to true to myself?
Sometimes, when I say something that is “comfortable”, “non-injurious”, I feel sick inside. I feel detached from myself. As though, my skin and I have separated. And yet this is a price that we pay for being here and now. What I want to know is this: is it okay to live like this? Should I have to make a compromise always? Should I let this nagging feeling be, so that in time I may be completely detached from my skin, and will not “feel” a thing? Are the pressures of living worth giving in to? Or should I be true to myself?
Pls Note: This is one of my many ruminations on the self. They might make sense or may not.